what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
