He asked me if I "almost moaned"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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