i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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