You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
