I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
