i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
