Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
