I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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