Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's the barista slut.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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