I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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