Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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