You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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