You're my little dorito
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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