just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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