she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
