I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
