Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
