I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
