Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
