Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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