you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
