If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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