So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
