her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
