Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
