i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
