why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to make out with him forever
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
