Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
