Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
from now on my penis is your penis
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
