There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
