If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
