dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
