I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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