you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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