so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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