sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
