Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
