i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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