Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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