Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
