ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
