my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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