your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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