You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i think i just lost a toe
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
