five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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