what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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