I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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