even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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