I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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