i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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